Reflections on One Year
Ah, the holidays. The magical time of year when the seasons start to change, signifying the upcoming festivities and another trip around the sun. We attend parties, buy gifts, and donate to charities all in honor of the impending holiday season. I know many people love this time of year, so full of cheerful nostalgia that their hearts could burst, but my holiday experience has not been quite so grand – not lately anyway. For many, the holidays are tinged in a veil of joy, but I can’t seem to see through the shroud of my losses.
It seems that my pursuit of writing has only served to make this time of year a little more painful for me.
You see, I started querying last October. I started my social media accounts, website, and blog around that same time too. With guns blazing and head high in the clouds, I started chasing my dreams. It was also around this time that I started telling people about my book, allowing them to read the piece of fiction that has claimed my every waking moment for nearly two years now.
By choosing to start my journey around the holiday season, I unknowingly gave myself a very salient reminder of the passing time.
It can be hard to stay optimistic in this field. It’s even harder when the anniversary of my failures rings loud alongside the bells of Santa’s sleigh. There’s been a year of stagnation. A year of working on a book that never feels quite good enough. It's been a year of rejection. A year of quiet no(s) and silent reminders that I haven’t made it yet.
I never wanted to just write a book. I wanted to create something big, and so far, I’ve failed to do that. It seems I’m reminded of that failure every time a withered leaf falls from the maple tree in my backyard.
It’s hard to persist through that kind of despair, but I tend to find hope when I stubbornly cling to my anchor, which is now and has always been, creating stories. I know my love for writing will carry me through when my motivation to succeed fails me. Because if this book never gains traction, maybe the next one will. That’s the beauty of being a story teller – one book’s ending is simply the opportunity for another to begin.
Happy holidays, my friends. I hope you find your anchor through the ups and downs of the season.